Out of Time: The Journal Entries
An intimate look behind the stories of my songs.
I’ve always loved watching and reading about how my favourite songs come to life. There’s something magical about seeing an artist peel back the curtain, and I’ve learned so much from the ones I look up to. My EP Out of Time holds such a special place in my heart because it finally feels like the kind of music I listen to every day, and the sound I’ve always wanted to create for myself. So I wanted to share my process and give you an intimate look behind these songs — the moments, the feelings, and everything that shaped this project.
I took a trip to Toronto to play a show and meet a songwriter that my friend and producer Mike introduced me to in 2023. I instantly fell in love with the city, and in my 10 years of living in Canada, Toronto has always, for some reason, made me feel at home. I met up with my cousin Ivanka for dinner, and she mentioned that you can find a 100mg edible in the city. We didn’t believe her. She took us to the store to prove her point, and we ended up getting a joint instead because I, for one, am not built for a dosage that high.
We walked to the CN Tower and I took two puffs of the joint — whatever it was, it sent me to the f*cking moon. I genuinely thought the tower was a UFO coming to abduct me. Ivanka was the DD and drove us around downtown and, in true native Toronto driver fashion, she was driving fast. I felt like I was in outer space and her car was the spaceship. I’ll always remember how much fun we had that night.
The next day, we met up with Sarah, and while we were figuring out what to write about, I mentioned how high I got the night before — and that’s quite literally how the first verse came to be.
“Light speed chasing havoc, like I’m on another planet.
Skyline’s ready to take me away.”
When we dug deeper into what I was feeling, I realized I didn’t want to leave Toronto and go back to Edmonton because, in that short amount of time, I felt my whole world open up as a pop artist. After my debut album, I felt uninspired, stuck, and honestly thought that maybe staying in Alberta was limiting my opportunities as a pop artist.
Out of Time made me ask myself some hard questions about my choices, my career, and the state of my relationship at that time. At the ripe age of 24, I felt like I should’ve had most of my life figured out. It’s silly to think about now, but back then it felt heavy — and terrifying — to admit that your life doesn’t look anything like the version you pictured.
1. Out of Time
This is by far my favourite song I’ve ever made, and the most me I’ve ever sounded. I love vocal arranging, and I had the most fun — and the most fulfillment — arranging this one. Back At U is also a stamp on one of the most painful times of my adult life. I often get sad listening to it because it takes me right back to the emotional and mental turmoil I was in while my relationship was falling apart.
I happened to have a writing session with my producer Mike right after discovering one of the biggest betrayals of my relationship — the person I loved the most breaking my trust. The timing caught me in a literal bad day, and this song captured the emotional roller coaster I was on when I wrote the first verse in ten minutes.
Back At U is about the aftermath of betrayal, admitting the role I played in it, and the complicated push and pull of loving someone even after the trust is gone and you’re not ready to let go. And while I never—up to this day—told my producer what truly happened, Mike gave me a safe space to explore those emotions. I’m forever grateful that he let me just feel it all without asking for an explanation.
I recently told him how fascinated I was that, despite not sharing the details, we still captured my story so well. In his own words, he said: “I knew what was happening, and I knew you weren’t ready to have the conversation.” At the time, I was in denial that there was no way but out of my relationship. I felt protective of the person I was with and protective of the truth about what was really going on.
2. Back At U
Garrett and I hadn’t made a song together in two years at this point. What was meant to be a session for sync turned out to be one of the most freeing writing sessions I’ve had in a while. It was the six-month mark of my breakup, a couple of months into no contact. During the day, I kept myself busy and felt fine, but at night the thoughts were overwhelming.
I showed Garrett my favourite songs at the moment, and we both got into the zone. While he worked on production, I quietly sat in the back. About twenty minutes later, I looked up and told him, “I think I have a song.” I broke down and couldn’t sing it through — it was the first time I had cried about my relationship ending in a while. When I left the session, it was the only song I listened to for a week.
Then one Saturday night, while in the shower, the bridge of the song came to me. I felt an urgent need to capture it, so I stepped out, sat on the floor, and recorded a voice memo of what I had in mind. I sent it to Garrett, and he made a demo from that very voice memo — and that’s what we used in the song.
It’s been so special and fulfilling performing Tell Me live and sharing this song with all of you.
3. Tell Me
This song was written back in the summer of 2024 during CMW. I was in limbo about a lot of things in my life, and to me, this song is about jumping in headfirst — even when you’re full of anxieties and doubts. I’m learning that your early twenties are meant for exploring, experimenting, and making mistakes. It can be, but it’s not the time for permanence. This is when you get to know what you want and don’t want.
Don’t Look Back reminds me that nothing in life is that serious. As long as you stay true to yourself and your values, and know when to stand up for yourself, you’re allowed to not take it too seriously. That’s how you get to know yourself and settle into who you need to be in the next chapters of your life.
Although I wrote this shortly after Out of Time, I placed it as the last track of the EP because it felt like the perfect way to tie the project together. The first verse goes:
“I know that life was looking rosy in the backyard
Picket fences so romantic got us so far
We woke up one day like we’re supposed to know who we are”
This wasn’t intentional, but after the project was completed and released, I realized the visuals for this project revolved around a wilted rose — a play on “He loves me, he loves me not.” I thought it was cool that the wilted rose ties back into this verse and encourages you to dream beyond the past and feel excited for the future
4. Don’t Look Back
If you got to the end of this journal, I just want to say thank you. Thank you for caring about my music, my life, and for your support — whether it’s listening to my songs, sharing my posts, buying merch, or coming to my shows. This has been the most transformative and happiest year of my life, and I’m beyond honoured that you allow me to share this journey with you.
While working on this EP, I knew there was a lot more to unpack. There are parts of this chapter that I’ve avoided processing, and over these past few months, I’ve been thinking, dreaming, scheming, and finally healing.
I’ve spent countless hours writing and being in the studio, and I’m so excited to share a little secret with you — my sophomore album, Good Girl, is in the works. It dives into what led to my biggest heartbreak, the aftermath, and getting to know myself as my own person. It shares my own journey and the stories of my favourite girls, and it’s been my greatest joy getting to know and love them. I wouldn’t and couldn’t survive without the women in my life.
Most importantly, I’m asking you — and myself — the questions: What makes someone a Good Girl? Or bad? Who decides it? Is it us? Is it men? Our friends? Tradition? Culture? I don’t know, but these questions keep me up at night.
For now, this stays between us as I keep looking for answers. I love you, and I can’t wait to take you with me into the next chapter.
Take care,
H